Whereas some people struggle with not being able to see the wrongs in their actions, I struggle to see the rights in my actions. I somehow am not able to believe that I am right in any slight situation. It is my fault because I constantly pinpoint the fault in my stars. The core issue…
My obsession with art led to my psych ward hospitalisation
It has been two years since I graduated from art school. After graduating with a BA in Fine Arts in 2023, it was not long before I developed a deeply unhealthy fixation on art. The switch was gradual but felt quick. There was a certain peculiarity in my love for art. The thoughts, feelings, and…
Structure is needed in my life to balance out the imbalance of chemicals in my brain
I believe that the definition of happiness is relative and differs from person to person. Everybody has their definition and meaning of what happiness is to them. As someone with bipolar disorder, for the longest time, I have equated happiness with the (hypo)manic episodes I experience. How can I be blamed for this way of…
There is no art without love, and there is no love without art
Everything in my life has led me to this path as an artist. For me, being an artist is not merely a matter of a hobby or a career — it is a chosen destiny I must walk through and a fate I must follow. I was asked by a fellow mentor of mine, Sands…
I am losing myself to my psychosis
Life has been different since I attempted to take my life three months ago. My attempt to take my life led me to finding myself waking up in the ICU and being moved to the psych ward. I do not remember events prior to my suicide attempt, yet little did I know that there was…
Our life is a simulation
To surrender myself to my disorder is to surrender myself, to the deity that is above me. For I know surrendering to my mental health condition is to surrender to God. I like to think it is my calling. I am protesting at the moment, protesting against sleep because sleep is a concept created by…
I spent my entire life chasing after death
I have always dreaded my birthday and the prospect of turning one year older. For my whole life, I have always seen birthdays as a sign that I have lived another painful year. Yet, it is strange how, when I turned 25 in May, I felt a sense of relief that I was alive for…
I am a stranger to planet Earth
I have always viewed human connection as bizarre. A question I tend to ask myself since I was a child is how do humans connect with one another? Now I think about my behaviour in my childhood and teenage years, I was the weird kid growing up who didn’t know how to fit in. Therefore,…
Love yourself first before loving others
If there is a deadline that sets out when you are going to die, how are you going to live the rest of your life? If that was the case for me, I would much prefer to not live as though I am dying and live my life to the fullest until the end. A…
My thoughts are parasites that are eating away at my brain
I am starting to feel hopeless once again, for sure the crash from mania is finally hitting me. Thoughts of death swarm over me, draining and exhausting me. For certain, I am not living, rather I am surviving in my suffering. My shoulders and chest feel heavy and the world is more grey and dull,…