28 May 2025
I have always viewed human connection as bizarre. A question I tend to ask myself since I was a child is how do humans connect with one another?
Now I think about my behaviour in my childhood and teenage years, I was the weird kid growing up who didn’t know how to fit in. Therefore, I had to learn how to fit in — how to be a ‘normal’ functioning human. At least, it was more so how to seem like a ‘normal’ functioning human. Growing up was rough and tough because I was constantly anxious on how to fit in with other human beings.
Be normal, act normal, don’t be weird, don’t act weird, no one will like you if you act weird.
How to be a human? How to be a normal functioning human being? How to act like a normal functioning human being?
I never had a best friend until I was a teenager as making friends for me as a kid was a difficult task, I’d rather bury myself in art and my books. I liked interacting with other humans, I had friends but I always felt awkward when interacting with other humans. Constantly feeling like I was weird and awkward, as a kid, I would spend hours studying how other humans interacted with one another, what is the norm on how to behave, what are the right things to say to other humans and what is right and what is wrong. From this, I would put what I have learned into practice and ‘masked’ my words and behaviour into fitting in with other human beings within society.
My fixation and obsession when I was a kid was on aliens, which is still carried on to my adult years. Perhaps one reason why I was obsessed with aliens and the possibility of aliens existing is because I felt, I feel, like an alien myself. I have a slight belief that I am an alien trapped in a human body. Think about it, I had to force myself to learn how to socialise with other human beings. I am a fake. Perhaps this is why I do not feel at home anywhere I go, that every place is a strange place.
I am alienated from other human beings because I am an alien trapped in a human body.
I am a stranger to planet Earth.
This life was not meant for me. Take me home where I belong.
